I cannot spell...

So, here's the thing: I am a terrible speller.

Normally this is not a huge deal. I use spell check. I google words that I am not sure of the e before or after the i. There really is no excuse in the year 2016 for poor spelling.

And yet, I managed to link to my blog yesterday my piece about my love for Cleveland. Or, as I wrote, Cleaveland. All over my Facebook page. Yep, for all of Facebook to see.

My first thought was, "Brian Elliott will see this. He will know how dumb I really am." Not that I exactly know that Brian Elliott actually reads my blog or looks at my Facebook feed. He did one time like a link to one of my blogs, which was basically the equivalent of receiving the Pulitzer to me. But does he do this on a regular basis? I doubt it.

But now he, along with the rest of the Facebook world, knows that I cannot spell. I am an English major fraud.

Here is another of my deep, dark secrets: I am not all that great with grammar. I cannot parse a sentence at all.

I was an English major because I like to read and write. And I often write faster than I should, and I often type the completely wrong letters. Normally I can fix it, though. But Facebook, with its weird updating, editing system, would not let me change it.

For reasons that I cannot understand, I have issues with doing things a certain way. I am not a perfectionist-I do not think that I do anything perfectly nor should I-but I have obsessions with doing everything on this checklist of my life in a certain way and if I can't check it off correctly, I feel like I deserve to have my life fall to shambles.

It's a weird combination of OCD and magical thinking that I have always had, and it tends to rear its head the most when my life is falling apart. I know what causes it-I want to feel in control of a situation that I have no control over. But it is still my weird quirk.

Someone recently praised my blog. And I must admit, that probably went to my head a bit. So this is just really a nice grounding for me-never get to high up on your horse, Joy Elizabeth, you are as human as anyone else.

I know that most people probably don't even care.

Still, I apologize and bury my head in shame. And I will try very, very hard to take this as a good thing, an understanding that no matter how hard I try, sometimes I will look like an idiot. It happens. It will surely happen agian again. And again.