Doves Cry

 

“I am well in body, although considerably rumpled in spirit”- oh, Anne girl, me too.

 

Life just now, today, feels heavy. Pressing. Dark.

 

When I lived all those years inside my own head- those years in college when I only spoke to a handful of people and then those early years of motherhood where my social circle mostly just included Nick, my sister, and my parents- sometimes I long for that girl. She was lonely, yes- especially the one in college- but she didn’t feel so much.

 

We have lived through our first breakup. And I am so very proud of Betsy and how she handled herself- she was honest and brave and tried her best to explain that she values the friendship that they created. My heart, though, my heart was not created for such things. I truly adored her boyfriend, and found him to be so polite and kind. I am proud of Betsy for understanding that she needs to be honest about her feelings- she is so much braver than I am.

 

That compounded with an unexpected death in a friend’s family, along with the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg- it’s all so much. (Most people who know me well know that I love to read Supreme Court rulings and I adore, honestly, all of the justices in one way or another.)

 

The original plan for today’s post was to be this fun post about various podcasts and books I’ve been loving and then sharing my spreadsheet for the Halloween movie schedule.

 

I contemplated just not posting anything at all, but spreadsheets- they truly are my love language.

 Halloween 2020 Spreadsheet

For now, that will have to do. 

To Dawson, with Love (but Joey and Pacey forever)

 

We have finally arrived at Capeside.

 

The girls and I began watching Dawson’s Creek at the start of the school year, and they are rightly hooked- we are still in the beginning, the Dawson/Jen/Joey phase.

 

Michelle Williams is one of my all time favorite actors in the here and now, and watching her in this first role I ever saw her in- I have a much better appreciation for what she is asked to do with this role that was so clearly defined as the girl that you were initially supposed to root for, to find as a suitable side to this love triangle of two girls in love with the same boy- before, of course, the entire thing shifted to two boys in love with the same girl, due to the undeniable chemistry of one Katie Holmes and one Joshua Jackson.

 

I was in college when Dawson premiered, and as an avowed Buffy fan I began watching that very first night. My favorite character, then and now, was Joey Potter. I, of course, saw Joey as an extension of myself, the girl pining away after the boy who is all caught up in the beautiful blond girl- I knew that role all too well.

 

Imagine my surprise when my girls exclaimed after watching for about 20 minutes that I was so clearly Dawson- and my reluctant admittance that they are entirely right. The movie geek with rose colored glasses and a complete oblivion to everything around him, bound and determined to mine every life lesson into a script for life to follow?

 

So, I’m trying to make some peace with the idea that I am not, in fact, the sarcastic, overlooked but beautiful girl next door but instead the sort of pathetic geek who realizes everything only after it’s patently obvious to everyone else.

 

 

How Did This Get Made? Sleepaway Camp

Sleepaway Camp is this movie that I watched when I was 11 years old and I have been trying to exorcise from my soul ever since. I genuinely believe that it is a masterpiece of a slasher film, an allegory for sexual identity and growing up and, you know, dealing with a completely insane person raising a young girl. 

Somehow, trying to find a podcast about Grease 2, this popped up because I truly believe that God intended me to find it- this is the most dissection I've ever seen on this movie and it's just incredible- they bring up some good points that I have never thought of, and also I think that they are completely wrong about a couple of theories, which made me realize that I sort of feel some ownership over this bonkers movie.  

If you have ever seen Sleepaway Camp you will enjoy this podcast. And if you have ever seen Sleepaway Camp, please tell me so that we can have long discussions about it.

Class Action Park

When the girls are at their dad's, I tend to watch documentaries (the girls hate it if I watch nearly anything without them, but documentaries are not their cup of tea). This documentary is a completely fascinating look at this amusement park in New Jersey that ended up killing several of its guests and injuring many more.

I am a thrill seeker by nature, and as this began I was completely sure that I would ride most of these rides. However by the end I was most glad that I never visited this park, as I am sure I would have attempted most of these rides and surely gotten my much too trusting self hurt- it is mind blowing to me that there was so little inspection of these rides.

 Just now, the pumpkins are out, the Halloween costumes narrowed down, the wind has shifted and our walks are cooler and earlier every evening. Remote learning hasn't been completely clear of bumps, but it has been mostly really challenging in all the best ways and I am beyond proud of how hard the my girls are working and adapting and becoming the resilient souls that I have long prayed they will become.