My Betsy Anne is having something of a mid-life crisis.
My sister, who has a doctorate in psychology, has assured me that this is all completely and
totally normal.
Bets is staring at the idea of college and scholarships and
just the entire rest of her life and wondering what to do and mostly feeling
like she wants to just stay a kid forever. And so every night we talk about
this, about how I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life when I was 16,
and how I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do with my life at 36, and
somehow I became a water billing clerk. And I love my job and the people that I
work with and everything about working for the Village- but of course, it’s not
that my calling was in understanding water meter readings. My calling rests
solely inside of these two precious girls and being their mother, and my job is
just a means to an end to keep us fed and clothed.
Does this help? I don’t know. But we talk about how those
twenty years in between were filled with books and professors who changed my
life and meeting a boy and becoming a mom- all of it glorious, and none of it
has led me to a “career,” and while I’m fine with that reality, I also want her
to swing open wide every door that she finds interesting and never to feel like
she cannot accomplish something and also to never stop being my sweet, tender
hearted girl.
And then my Felicity Kate has discovered Twilight.
She loves
it so much that she has created a shelf in her room for all things Twilight
related. (She also packed up all of her Calico Critters at the same time. It
was a bit much- I wasn’t expecting that she turn into a teenager overnight.)
It’s
been a lot to maneuver, and it’s hitting us how little time is left before life
shifts again, before we have to adjust to a new normal.
5
years ago life slammed a door shut with such force I could never pry it open
again. It forced me to find the window. And yes, climbing in and out of a
window is weird but it works for me.
Life
on this side of the after is as close to perfect as it’s ever going to get. My
life revolves around these two girls. It is the best piece of being divorced- I
get to spend my nights with these girls wherein we listen to incredibly loud
music, all the Tik Toks, all the 1980s/1990s shows and movies that we can, painting
fingernails and arguing and laughing and existing as a family in a way so
different- it’s not for everyone I’m sure. But it works so well for us, even as
we navigate existential crisis and the particular end of eras.
When
I drop my girls off every other Friday night with their dad, as I drive away, I
always feel a little bit sorry for him, that I am going home to be by myself
and just enjoy the quiet for a weekend (just for the two days, I promise). The girls told me that recently he
said to them that he thinks that I would like to be going home to someone, that
I probably miss having someone to do things with while they are gone. And it
struck me as so typically us, me the introvert who craves being alone like its
water in a desert, and Nick the extrovert who wants the people around him all
the time.
We
are- all four of us- we are right where we were always meant to be.
Stuff
I’m Loving:
(there's a good bit because it's been a hot minute since I wrote on the blog):
This article
is just what I needed as we are halfway through Dawson, and this article
breaks down the Joey/Pacey/Dawson triangle to what it exactly is-namely, that
by rearranging the storyline to focus on Joey rather than Dawson, and then to
make Pacey the hero, the writers created a formula for teenage soap operas that
has continued to this day.
The Bible Binge: Favored or Forsaken: Kirk Cameron
I
have tons of feelings about Kirk Cameron, most of them good (Kirk lived on my
wall from the time I was in the third grade), and a handful of them thorny and
messy. Knox, Jamie, and Erin spend this entire episode unboxing Kirk and his
place in Christian culture and where he gets things right and where he becomes
problematic.
I
also loved the recent Favored or Forsaken bonus that was a snake draft of
Contemporary Christian artists but that is only available on the Patreon feed. Let
me say, though, it is so excellent to find people in this world who can claim
P.O.D.’s “Boom” as the best sports anthem, Jars of Clay as life changing, and Point
of Grace and Amy Grant as just the OG best.
Judas and the Black Messiah
Excellent, excellent watch. My favorite thing about this social distanced world is watching new movies in the comfort of my own home and one I have no doubt will never change. The girls and I bought new reclining movie chairs for our big Christmas gifts this past year, and we love them and now have even less reason to ever leave the house.
HBO Max was a sort of lackluster subscription for me (and I say this having subscribed to Quibi) but with the new policy of releasing the movies there the same day as in the theater- kicked it up a notch and please let it never change. The performances in this movie are all amazing. Highly recommended.
To All The Boys: Always and Forever
To be clear, the books are better (this is true 99% of the time). But the first and third adaptations of Jenny Han's delightful books are very good (the second one wobbles, but I do love the opening of it, an homage to Adventures in Baby-sitting, which is hands down the best opening of a movie ever, so I appreciate what they were doing there). I love Lara Jean with all my heart and am so glad to have met her.
R. Eric Thomas
Someone that I follow (perhaps Erin Moon? I don't remember) introduced me to R. Eric Thomas's email and it has been bringing me joy for a month now. I cry from laughing so hard, most recently at his long thread about the new 101 Dalmatians trailer- I read a lot of very serious stuff, and this is just the most perfect distraction ever.
These Truths: A History of the United States by Jill Lepore
Such an excellent history of the United States- this doorstop of a book was a labor of love for me to get through but I'm so glad that I persevered. I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads, which I never do. (On that note, I am trying to be better about updating my Goodreads page- I find Goodreads clunky to use but I'm trying.)
Disco Kylie Minogue
I've been binging this since it came out and it is just the shiny, poppy, happy music that my heart is aching for just now.
Life just now feels full of hope.
