Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Yes, we are done...

So, I have two beautiful girls. If you read my blog, then you likely follow me on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, and you know this. Because most of my life is my girls.

I also have a stepson who is 14. Who is the most amazing boy, a great big brother who has always been mature for his age.

So the point is...we are blessed. We are lucky. We are done.

And I feel more and more certain of that every day, and I feel guilty.

When my friends see babies, they just fall in love. When I see babies, it's like, that's nice.

I loved my babies. Seriously. Head over heels in love. I can remember of feeling like it was Christmas every morning to be able to see Betsy every morning, awake and ready to start the day-the all day, every day with mommy. I loved all of it. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom for the entire time that my children were little. I'm still a mostly stay at home mom, as I only work one day a week.

And the thing is, I still adore my kids. I love the ages that they are now. They are 10 and 7 and they enjoy doing so many things that are fun. They watch movies that I enjoy, they like to ride bigger rides at amusement parks, they like to read longer books at bedtime. (We still read picture books at bedtime too-I'm going to do that for as long as they will allow me to.)

The other day Betsy and her dad were having a conversation about tomatoes being fruits or vegetables, which ultimately ended as all conversations do, with Google. And they discovered that Congress declared tomatoes a vegetable somewhere along the line, to which my daughter replied, "They have important stuff like ISIS to be dealing with, and they are worried about that?" (We did explain that it was a while ago, but I'm still so proud that she understands so much about our government.)

Anyway, the point of all of this is that I like having older children. That doesn't mean I didn't love having younger children.

I love having two girls. I love the bond that they have with each other, which mirrors my relationship with my sister.

I love the bond that they have with their big brother. I love that they basically think he hung the moon in the sky.

And I love that we are done having kids. Yes, when Nick sometimes talks about what it would be like to have another baby, I get all dreamy, because I truly love that he wants me to have his babies. But beyond that-it's finished. And that's okay.

I feel awkward saying that I am done with the babies. Most blogs that I read are about wanting more kids, about infertility, about wanting a whole houseful of kids. I know that I am blessed that I got pregnant quickly and easily both times. But I wanted to put my truth out there, just to give it a voice, because somehow writing something down makes it mine. And if you see me near a baby, know that I think that it is darling, and that the parents are so lucky to be going on their journey. But I'm not going to hold it and have "baby fever." And that's okay.