Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Confessions of a former stay-at-home mom...



My life is a checklist.

I'm just that type of person-I feel accomplished at the end of the day when I have checked everything off of my list.

Tea with lemon. Banana. Devotional. Prayer. Meditation. Workout. Shower. Sunscreen. Straighten hair. Get dressed. Makeup. Greek yogurt. Read the Skimm. Watch the beginning of the Today Show. Brush teeth. Pack lunch. Leave for work.

That's my morning. Every day. Skip one thing-my day is off, ruined. (I'm working on not letting it be ruined. But mostly, ruined.)

Becoming a mom was like the ultimate checklist for me. I read and read and read everything I could get my hands on about the proper way to raise a child before Betsy was born.

Betsy's days in her first couple of years of life went something like this:

Get up. Breastfeed. Tummy time to Mozart. Get dressed. Sunscreen. Mommy and me workout. Baby Einstien video. Read. Breastfeed. Nap. Breastfeed. Read. Play. Read. Breastfeed. Nap. Breastfeed. Read. Play.

You get the idea.

I mean, eventually solid foods, storytime, MOPs, all of that stuff made its way into our days.

But I had a checklist always: the most important things Betsy needs. They were mostly breastmilk, books, sleep, and stimulating playtime. Not just regular old playing. No, we had to be playing with goals in mind: we played with letters to learn the shapes tactically, we discussed letter sounds, we sang and sang and sang about everything.

And it worked, I thought. Betsy knew how to read, all of the presidents, all of the states, all of the capitals when she was five. Clearly I had done everything right.

I did all the same things with Felicity. Now, I will admit that because I had a three year old at the same time, Felicity's day looked a little different. I was slightly more laid back. Felicity was a more laid back baby, so I held her a lot, didn't quite get in her face as much.

But Felicity was not interested in learning the presidents. She knows a couple that she particularly likes. She knows the capital of Colorado is Denver because she likes the word Denver.

Felicity is perfectly capable of reading and spelling. She does have more trouble with math than she probably should, but she comes by that honestly as I am terrible at math. But the thing is, Felicity doesn't care. She gets middling grades and she is find with that. I have tried making a big deal of good grades, I have tried encouraging words and workbooks and songs.

But Felicity is just perfectly happy being an average student.

Before this year, this life changing year that shifted my world, I would have just cried and cried over the fact that I know that Felicity is nowhere near the top of her class. I would have blamed myself, blamed the fact that I let her sleep in my arms so much instead of creating all of the challenging games and rote memory facts that Betsy excelled at.

And maybe there is some truth to that. But it doesn't matter.

Felicity is going to go out and change this world because she is Felicity. She is funny, and she doesn't have a shy bone in her body, and she loves everyone. Her strengths lie in things that aren't tested in school. I used to hear people say that and think, you just don't want to put the time in. I would say, in what I imagined was a humble voice, "I am not doing anything you can't do. I am just putting in the time and it just shows in what my kids are capable of."

I now realize that, as sincerely as I meant that, I was being a snob. A stay-at-home mom snob who deep down thought that, even though we didn't have much money, we were creating exceptionally smart children.

The fact is, my children being smart or funny or sociable has nothing to do with me. What I have given my children is a safe place to be who they are, a love that nothing can break, and a home that will never leave. It was great that we played and learned and read so much. But ultimately the point was that we were together.

The three musketeers. Forever. Check it off the list.

3 comments:

  1. I love that being together is the most important! I remember I felt like everything had to be a learning opportunity while caring for my kids and I was a day care and they just spent time with the kids as they played. I was disappointed, but then now I see the kids and am amazed at their love for others.
    I think we do a lot to influence but I love that kids have their own personalities and areas they are naturally gifted or ungifted.
    I think we can't base our success on their success but realize we are successful like you mentioned! I like this honest blog.

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