525,600 Minutes...

It’s planner season. Which is just my favorite time of year.

Fall is coming, with its glorious pumpkins and cooler weather and football.

I keep reminding myself of that as we round this last corner of summer. The girls have their school schedules, so the past few days have been full of texting friends to find out who we know in each class (and worry when there is no one in a certain class that we seem to know). We walked through the high school to each of Betsy’s classes (I dream about being in the high school a lot and walking all over those hallways was a bit surreal to me). School supplies are ready to go, planners are brand new and full of promise.

This year we are taking a break from participating in any fall sports, which we have never done before. Felicity will still dance, but we are purposely taking a break from any structured sport. This came about after much soul searching on my part, and also on the girls’. We sat down and talked about what we really love about playing sports (being with friends and being a part of a team) and what we don’t like about playing sports (nerves about playing in front of people).

Betsy is an anxious soul, just like her mother. The amount of anxiety that she feels about being in front of people is easily overwhelming to her. I completely and totally understand because I am the same way. I have no idea if we are choosing the correct path here, because after all, she will only be young once, but I also know that, as much as she loves being a part of the team, the relief at the idea of just being a spectator was palpable when presented as an option.

It’s taken me four years now to fully grasp how life has changed-in the beginning I was constantly concerned that life not change for the girls, that they understand that they could still do all the things and I would just somehow make it work. After all, I have help-my parents always step in if for any reason I can’t be somewhere, and I am blessed with a flexible job with great hours.

Slowly, however, I have realized that it’s not just about ferrying the girls to all the things. It’s about being clear about the things that take our time away from each other. The girls are gone every other weekend during the school year, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but it has meant that all of the things that they want to do at home need to be done in that time frame.

I have friends who count down summers, who count down Saturdays-and when you share your parenting with someone, those summers and Saturdays are even more precious. So, for us, this fall is going to be about watching our friends and cheering them on and resting in a state of calm.

I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’m worried-I am worried that Betsy will feel left out of the fun of being on a team, that I’m teaching her to let her anxiety get the best of her. I honestly don’t know. As I tell the girls just about every single day, I don’t have all the answers. I’m making this up as we go.

I do know that the girls and I love nothing more than nights when I say we don’t have anything to do tonight. It’s our favorite. So I’m just going to hope that having more nights like that is exactly what we need.