Halfway There...

In the summer, my girls are gone often through the week, which is backwards and inside out from normal. When the girls are home, we are so busy with all the things-spending time with friends and at the pool and of course watching all the movies-and when they are gone, it’s like a slo-motion camera, as I spend my nights reading and trying to not panic that when the girls are grown this is how my life will always be.

I’ve been watching old episodes of Designing Women, which is one of my favorite shows ever of all time. I have said many times there are 4 women that I grew up aspiring to be-Anne Shirley, Sally Albright, Corky Sherwood, and Charlene Fraiser Stillfield. Charlene always spoke to me-she would be such a different character if the show had been made even a few years later. Charlene starts out the never married one, the one who trusts so easily with all of her heart-naïve, really. That’s a word that many people have used to describe me. I’m good with that, mostly-maybe if I weren’t quite so trusting, life wouldn’t have shattered quite so hard, but at the end of the day I’d rather be too trusting than to be suspicious of the people around me. It takes a lot for me to cut ties with someone completely.

My word for this year is indeed trust. God keeps reminding me of it too. I can’t count how many times recently I have listened to a podcast that I don’t normally listen to and the theme has turned out to be trust the universe, trust your voice, trust your body. How many of my devotionals lately have spun around this idea of trust- it’s quite possible to walk right past your burning bush for years without noticing. And that’s okay, because when you are ready, you will see it. Or, at least, that’s been the message to me of late. Turning 40 is this amazing thing-I’m old enough to feel settled, I’m happy with my life and where it is, I’m thrilled, truly, to wake up every morning in this house that I wanted from the time I was a little girl, surrounded by my family and friends-my life is a small life, small but happy.

I still want to explore this world, I want to go out and see things and do things and have all sorts of experiences. I still feel young enough to want so many things. But old enough, I guess, to truly appreciate what I have. Broken heart and all.