Oh, gracious. So many words.
I went to a concert.
It sounds trite and simple.
For me, it’s a big deal.
I have a thing about crowds. I hate them. I tend to panic. I’ve taught my girls, when we walk into a large room-like the movie theater-to immediately find the exits. I don’t know why that’s my own particular quirk, but crowds send my heart racing and my blood pressure rising. I leaned on Nick a lot to help me with this particular issue-he knew to squeeze my hand harder, to help push me through a crowd of people-and of course, now it’s only me. Even worse, it’s often me with the girls, which means I am the adult and then expected to know how to navigate the circumstances I get us into.
Last year, in the year of being brave, I tried out many things and conquered many fears. This particular fear is one that I’m not certain can exactly be conquered-mitigated is likely a better word. I’m always going to feel slightly panicked in a large group of people, I’m always going to figure out two ways out of a room, I’m always going to do my best to avoid masses of people if I can help it.
But I proved to myself this past weekend that I can navigate an entire concert experience, including being surrounded by drunk people, one of whom vomited on the girl in front of us right as the concert was beginning; I can lead my girls through the streets of Cleveland in search of my sister, who did the driving so that we didn’t need to park the car; and generally, I can be an adult in yet one more situation that is something I really enjoy-listening to music live-but am rather terrified to deal with.
The concert itself was most fun. My girls love the New Kids. Debbie Gibson has been my most favorite singer since I was 11 years old. (I have every one of her CDs and Debbie was my very first concert ever-Michelle and Tanya and I went and saw her in Wheeling when Tanya turned 12. Tanya and Michelle were neither one even necessarily Debbie Gibson fans, but they endured my complete fangirl love with perhaps an ironic gleam in their eye, which sums up nearly everything they ever did because I asked them to.)
Tiffany, Salt-n-Pepa, and Naughty by Nature were the other acts, and the girls and I had a blast singing so many songs that we love. Betsy said that she loved it and wished it would never end, while Felicity leaned over at 10 and asked me how much longer it would last. Which encapsulates their personalities perfectly-Betsy always wanting me to know how much she loves me, and Felicity feeling comfortable enough to tell me that she’s ready for this whole thing to be over. I’m grateful for both, the yin and the yang of their personalities, and of the fact that we are all three us-we do everything together, the three of us, and it’s been the best side effect of life falling apart and not exactly fixing itself.
Many people, having been alone for coming on four years in a couple of months, would have moved on to at least one serious relationship. But that’s not how it’s working for me, and even though there are definite disadvantages to that, one of the best side effects is that the girls and I are a unit, we do everything together. Sometimes I think that’s my biggest stumbling block-I have this rich, full life 90% of the time, and then on the weekends that the girls are gone I wish to the depths of my soul that I had someone to hang out with-as my dear Felicity has pointed out, I need a friend. Which is not at all to say that I don’t have friends, because I do and I love them so much, but all of my closest friends have young children and are not just available for me on a rather boring Saturday night.
Anyway…I have gotten extremely off topic.
The entire weekend was lovely, if jam packed full. The girls and I watched my niece Mallory in her high school’s production of My Fair Lady on Friday night. The cast was absolutely amazing, and all the more so because they were working with a shoestring budget. The school district that my nieces attend cannot pass a funding levy, and so their arts programs have been cut to the bone. It was quite a visual to me, having watched John Glenn’s production of The Music Man in an auditorium just a few weeks ago and watching this production of My Fair Lady on folding chairs in the gymnasium. I don’t have all the answers to the school funding question, but I definitely think that what we do as a state is not sustainable. As a person who loved the arts programs provided by my school, I definitely think that they are not extra or unnecessary programs-they are, for some kids, a reason to participate in their class.
April and I also saw A Bronx Tale at Playhouse Square-it was so good, April and I neither one knew anything about it going in, and it was a lovely and moving piece of theater- and I took the girls to see Ugly Dolls, which was cute and had a good message about loving someone who isn’t perfect. And I got to have a galley boy from Swenson’s, which is my all-time favorite sandwich. So overall, excellent weekend.
Yesterday I took the day off just to sleep and watch soap operas and it was lovely. So much of the time, I get so caught up in my checklist of life, it was nice to just have a day all to myself to do whatever I wanted. (Always having to give myself permission to do that, you know.)
And today, the sun is shining, “Here I Go Again” is blaring through my speakers, which seems most appropriate, and all is lovely and shiny and new.
"Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
Cause I know what it means,
To walk along that lonely street of dreams.”
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