Saturday, December 15, 2012

No answers to why?

What do I want to say? I want to say many, many things, and say them eloquently, and make you think and reevaluate and maybe even change your mind. But I'm not going to do that.

I have purposefully avoided looking at my facebook page today. It's not that I don't care about your opinion. I value your opinion, even if it is totally different than mine. I want to know what you think and why you think that way.

But...not today. Maybe it is too raw. Too close to home. Maybe I have way too many thoughts jumbling through my head and I can't add any more. Maybe I already knew how you would feel, maybe I already knew that you would be heartbroken and sad and wanting to lash out. And that's all that it is, really. Some people want to blame guns, or gun control, or the media, or the lack of prayers in schools, or Congress, or whatever. I do some of those things (maybe all of those things) too. And I also know that it is so much more than just that-if it were one thing, this wouldn't keep happening. It is everything and nothing all at the same time, at least to me.

I read a book a couple of years ago about Columbine by Dave Cullen. It was one of the most fascinating books I have ever read. Basically, for me, anyway, everything that I thought that I knew about Columbine wasn't true. And everything that was true took this man 10 years to uncover. And I often wonder what the result of all of that misinformation about Columbine has lead to? If more people knew that that was not a school shooting born of ridicule and loneliness? If more people knew that one shooter was a true psychopath and the other an easily led, depressed boy? Would it somehow change the way that some of these other people, following in their path, have viewed a challenge to...I don't know, to their feelings of ridicule and loneliness.

I don't think that any rational person ever has shot at tons of people, much less children. I don't think that people at their heart, in their right mind, mean to hurt people. I think that, in all honesty, most people, maybe even all people, just want to love their families and have a place to live and food on their table. And that everything else is gravy. I believe that to be true of all people, everywhere on earth.

Please keep in mind that I am not speaking at all about the grief and loss and horror that the parents and friends and loved ones of those killed must be going through. I can't begin to know the deepth of their loss and I realize that.

But at this time of year, when I am contemplating the birth of my Savior, I truly believe that he came to give us peace. An everlasting peace that can and will exist in us all. "In Me you may have peace. In the world you will have hard things happen to you; but be of good cheer, I have conquered the world." John 16:33

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