The circle of life...

One of my MOPs friends just posted that she is wondering how to talk to her children about death. So it has inspired a blog post.

My girls are very inquesitive about death. Betsy has lived through a dog dying, and my Grandma's death, so for a while she just kind of naturally had a lot of questions. Felicity hasn't really experienced death, but she thinks about it a lot. She often says to me, "Mommy, I don't want to die." And I just try to talk to her about the fact that everyone dies at some point, and then, because we are Christians, we talk about Jesus and the fact that he died for us and what that means.

I have some books that I really enjoy on this subject. Please note that they are not all Christian in theme. In my life, I am more than willing to read someone else's point of view on things, and then I always remind the girls what I believe. I want them to always understand that we can hold onto our beliefs, and still learn from other people who are questioning, or who have found a different answer.

My favorite of these books is Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley. In it, Badger dies and the animals all get together and remember all of the things that Badger taught them during his life. When my grandmother died, this was my go to book for Betsy and we would talk about all of the things that Grandma loved, all of the things that she had shown us, all of the things that she had pressed on our hearts.

What's Heaven? by Maria Shriver is a book talking about what heaven may be like. I like to use this as a starting point for a conversation about what I think heaven is like, and ask the girls what they think heaven is like. This is not an explicitly Christian book.

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst is another very good book that is quite secular in nature. The child in this book questions the idea of heaven and God and he doesn't really get answers. That said, it is an excellent book about dealing with the crummy emotions that come with the death of a loved one.

Kadish for Grandpa In Jesus' Name Amen by Catherine Stock is a combination of Jewish and Christian beliefs about death. It is a very good book for understanding that the two cultures do different things when someone dies, but that ultimately they are both about remembering and loving the person.

And finally, When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers is an excellent resource for that specific loss. Mr. Rogers is gentle in his explaination of the loss of a pet and about the idea that someday you may be ready to get another pet.

Talking in our house is prized above nearly all else. I encourage questions, even if I don't really know that answers, and I flat out say if that is the case. We read our Bibles every day, so my kids definately have an understanding of Jesus and our values. But I let them know that we will still grieve and hurt just like everyone else. I hope that they grow to understand death as a part of life, not to be feared, but to be anticipated as a continuation of the journey.